An Important Question

I was on my way to an eye exam yesterday near where I work when I sensed the Lord instructing me to shut off Ravi Zacharias and talk to Him instead. I was praying about stuff going on with our kids, stuff going on with Sue being sick lately, stuff about stuff in general. And once again God led me down that path that winds way deep down within me to get to the heart of the matter. Once again it was something that I wasn't really thinking about or even feeling anything about but it was something that He knew that needed to be addressed. I say once again because this experience has happened to me more times than I really can remember. I think I'm going into prayer about this or that and it ends up being about something else entirely. It feels like God reaches His hand down from heaven and puts His finger upon the "something" that's usually buried way, way down somewhere at the innermost core of my being.

And what He placed His finger on was nothing new. In fact it was something that I've struggled with pretty much throughout my time as a believer. There have been times when this particular struggle was really not much of a struggle. And then there have been other times when it's been downright debilitating. Lately its been more like a nagging ache.

At my core was the question, "am I really Yours"?

In my last blog post I wrote something about how we can't allow our thoughts, feelings, opinions, philosophies and experiences to dictate what is and what isn't true about God's word. And in writing that it kicked up some stuff in me about my own failings in living up to that. All too often, I have allowed my perspective on my grossly imperfect walk as a Christian to dictate to me as to whether I am actually His or not. And I have also deep down inside just really wondered about my salvation. Was my conversion real? Was my repentance enough? I mean, I have no problem whatsoever believing that Jesus accomplished salvation for whoever believes on that cross but when it comes to me, sometimes I have really wondered if I really am included in this or not. Because I really want to be.

And also because I am also extremely intimately knowledgeable of my inner man. I'm the only one, other than God, who gets to hear my thoughts and feel my attitudes even if I mask them for the rest of the world, I get to have full view of them. And quite frankly, all too often, maybe even more times than not, those thoughts, feelings and attitudes have no place in the vicinity, let alone in the body, of Christ.

I disagree with Paul when he calls himself the "chief of sinners" because I know I can give him a good run for his money. I am at least a close, by a nose second. And also I know the ludicrousness and silliness of competing either for being the worst sinner or the best Christian and how that nonsense is not of the Kingdom either (see what I mean!). But the point is I have wondered many, many times if I am really one of His or not because when I see me I see a Christian failure. I don't see a giant of the faith at all. I see someone who just doesn't seem to really get it. In fact, when the non-believers call us hypocrites I can't help but think, "YES! I AM! YOU FOUND ME OUT!"

Deep down in my core for years has been this burning, nagging question. So yesterday when God pointed out the existence of the question within me I just asked Him, "am I Yours"?

I was still driving to the eye doctor and God didn't answer my question. Not yet.

I got there a few minutes early and I sensed God impressing on me to close my eyes and try to think of nothing but Him and to focus on His presence with me in my van. It was calm, peaceful, relaxing and just plain nice. No deep spiritual experience that solved the mysteries of the universe or even answered my question but just a kind of matter of fact, "I'm here and so are you" kind of thing. It was just a really nice little moment.

So I go inside to the eye doctors and sat in the waiting room. I pulled out my phone because I also sensed that I needed to look up 1 John on my Bible app and read it while I was waiting to get my eyes examined. I didn't hear a booming voice out of the sky proclaim, "READ 1 JOHN NOW". It was, once again (has happened many, many times) a simple, matter of fact kind of impression to just read 1 John. I thought, "well maybe I need to read about God's love for me" since 1 John deals a lot about that subject. But that wasn't what He wanted me to see. It was this instead;

(By the way this is from the Amplified Bible which is the translation I was reading it from) (and oh yeah, the Amplified Bible is the Bible turned up to 11) (get it?)

1 JOHN 2:3And this is how we may discern [daily, by experience] that we are coming to know Him [to perceive, recognize, understand, and become better acquainted with Him]: if we keep (bear in mind, observe, practice) His teachings (precepts, commandments).

4 Whoever says, I know Him [I perceive, recognize, understand, and am acquainted with Him] but fails to keep and obey His commandments (teachings) is a liar, and the Truth [[c]of the Gospel] is not in him.

5 But he who keeps (treasures) His Word [who bears in mind His precepts, who observes His message in its entirety], truly in him has the love of and for God been perfected (completed, reached maturity). By this we may perceive (know, recognize, and be sure) that we are in Him:

6 Whoever says he abides in Him ought [as [d]a personal debt] to walk and conduct himself in the same way in which He walked andconducted Himself.

Hmmmm. I asked a question from the core of my being. A pretty important question. "Am I Yours?" And within the hour He leads me to Scripture with the clearest and most direct answer possible. Not a sign on the sky, not a voice booming from the heavens, not on a mountaintop or at a spiritual retreat but in a waiting room, waiting to get my vision checked.

I was blind to the truth about being His and He corrected my distorted and blurry vision with the truth of His word.

So the question from this passage is this, do I keep His word? Do I treasure His word? Do I bear His word in mind? Observe it in how I live? Practice it in my life? I guess I have to say yes I do but only by His grace. And keep in mind I am still "practicing" it. Thank God it doesn't say I have to do it perfectly. For the work of perfecting is all His. It even says that in this passage as well. The rest of the Bible bears this out and supports this; that He is the author and perfecter (finisher) of our faith; that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

I'm so glad that he gets all the credit (glory) for the work because frankly, I don't want nor could I achieve that responsibility.

Then comes the challenge of verse 6. If I say I am in Him, if I believe what His word says in answer to this question, then as a debt to Him I need to be mindful to walk and to conduct myself in the same way that He walked and conducted Himself. Please be patient and bear with me on this one because I got a long way to go. When I fail at it do me and yourself a favor and don't gloat and point fingers. Be gracious (like Him) and pray for me. But we aim for the bulls eye. We will miss the mark many, many times but He has our failings covered too (read 1 John 1:8-10 and 2:1, I won't post it, get your Bible out or whatever you use and look it up!).

His mercies are new everyday. He prays for us when we don't have a clue on what to pray for and He completed the work of atonement on that cross. All He asks us to do is to believe and to follow and He shows us how to walk like Him through the supernatural power and work of the Holy Spirit.

And He reaches down from heaven and digs His fingers into the mess that is us and forces us to face what we'd rather ignore and He doesn't shy away from the hard questions but provides the answer in Himself and in the truth of His word. Every time.

Ask me today as I write this, "Jack, are you His?"

You betcha.